Fear

dad

Fear was always a foreign concept to me, one I didn’t really understand because i  never felt it as hard as most people do. I didn’t much like frogs or veins, but they were irrational and I knew it. Fear was never an inhibiting factor because it didn’t enter the thought process in anything I did. But it has leaked into my life of late. Things I used to love are making me uncomfortable –  I have not enjoyed the feeling of seaweed grabbing my arms and legs as I swim in the river or the usual feeling of adrenaline that goes with longboarding down a  big hill. I have had to talk myself into letting control over to the mountainbike beneath my legs as i force myself to push it down a mountain and I have not written for fear I will write nothing worthwhile. But what has really slowed me down is the fear of failure. Failing at a career I want so bad and failing to get all I want to do done before my time runs out.

At twenty one years of age I feel burnt out. This is not the me I know or want to be. I don’t want to question why I am signing up to do a triathlon or a marathon or learning how to ride a motorbike. I just want to do it. I have a quote engraved on the back of my Ipod; “There is nothing to fear but fear itself.” It is my favourite quote, a mantra I continually repeat. But what happens when the fear is beginning to overtake and consume. How do I get back on track to who I want to be and the life I have already signed up to lead?

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